Why can't you see the fear in her eyes? Why is she so uncomfortable being in the same room as others? What happened to her that she cannot allow herself to laugh too loud, to smile too much, to say one word too many, to make a joke that everyone finds amusing, to tell something about herself?
She is wearing a mask, that's why. On the surface, she is just a little shy, a little cautious, she doesn't have much to contribute to the conversation- she is a listener not a speaker. But that's not it. She has been hurt too many times before. She panics if someone looks at her too long, if the attention dwells on something she has said or done. She doesn't know what to do- she just wants to hide. If she lets people in, if they see the real her, then they will leave. They always have, they always do. The more people know, the more she has invested in them, once they are gone it just leaves her emptier than she was before. She had too many gaping holes that would not heal, she would simply have to wear her mask and carry on. Yes, she was lonely and she longed for the connection she had had before with others. She had to protect herself though, her life had proven that no one else would. She could only rely on herself.
But she is not just a little too shy, just a little cautious, and she has a heck of a lot to contribute. If only people would stop creating new wounds. If only people could stay in her life. Then she could gain the confidence she needed, she could learn to rely on people again, she could be the joker that she is. She is intelligent, she sees the world in ways that others don't, she solves problems that other people don't even know are issues. She is valuable, she is loving and caring, she is worth sticking around for.
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"I can't remember the last time that someone complimented me on something besides my looks."
It is something that I'm sure is so familiar to women. It's familiar to me. Is it simply too much to ask to be seen as more than just my features? Could I possibly be more than my blue eyes and blonde hair? Lately, it sure seems like I couldn't be. People see me and they see just another blonde, just another frivolous girl who wants and does what every other girl does.
She's not being nice to that guy- she's flirting with him. She's not friends with that person- she wants something from them. She is just so fake. There's no way she could actually mean what she's saying. She's way too nice, I don't believe her ruse. She cannot be valued for who she is, just what she is. She's that girl that everyone can turn to, but no one can return the favor. She gives other people more significance than herself, because, surely, they have more to offer, they have more worth. They deserve to be first, they need something more than I do, they have had a rough day and mine was just not nearly as bad, I don't have to tell them how I've been. Don't be selfish, they need a friend right now.
When you look at me and only see one dimension of me, it hurts. There is so much more, so much more than one side of someone. So much more than what we can see. They have been hurt, they have scars. They struggle to keep up appearances. They don't know how they'll manage all their bills this month. They don't know if they can take one more lonely day. They need someone to care about them. They need to be seen for who they are.
I know I get fired up when people think that they know me. Even someone who has spent years hanging out with me, talking and just being a friend, can not know me (fully). They know who I am to them, they know how I act and maybe what I like and don't like. But do they know anything deeper than that? Do they know the struggles I've been through, do they know the things that I hold dear, the things that I fear? How could they when no one tries? People are too quick to give up. If you don't want to talk, fine. If you don't want to answer my question, fine. If you don't want to be there for me, fine. If you don't have time, fine. If I'm not a priority, fine. If you only see me at face value, fine. No, it's not fine. It's not okay. We need to be able to form connections with people, real and true connections. Not connections on LinkedIn. Not friends on Facebook. Real, true friendship, where you actually care about a person's well being and are there for them whenever you can be. You can see through their mask, you know about their pain and help them through it. Someone that is the first person you want to go to when you're upset, when you have the most incredible news, when you need advice, or when you just want to talk. People need each other, anyone knows that.
My New Year's Resolution is to do everything possible to be that person, that friend who can be counted on, who can be trusted with anything, who has value and sees value in others. I want to be someone who can see people in a new dimension. She is not just my mom, she is loving, she is caring, she is patient, she is a wife, she is a care giver, she has needs too. He is not just someone I have gotten to know, he is dorky, he is caring, he is hard working, he is determined, he is a neat freak, he is a son, an uncle, a student, a leader, and so much more. There is always so much more. I hope that everyone else can see the importance of having a genuine connection, a real friendship, for seeing someone as they really are. Please, I beg of you, don't be shallow. Recognize that other people are hurting, that they need you in their life, that you're not alone. See beyond the mask, and love the person underneath.
She is wearing a mask, that's why. On the surface, she is just a little shy, a little cautious, she doesn't have much to contribute to the conversation- she is a listener not a speaker. But that's not it. She has been hurt too many times before. She panics if someone looks at her too long, if the attention dwells on something she has said or done. She doesn't know what to do- she just wants to hide. If she lets people in, if they see the real her, then they will leave. They always have, they always do. The more people know, the more she has invested in them, once they are gone it just leaves her emptier than she was before. She had too many gaping holes that would not heal, she would simply have to wear her mask and carry on. Yes, she was lonely and she longed for the connection she had had before with others. She had to protect herself though, her life had proven that no one else would. She could only rely on herself.
But she is not just a little too shy, just a little cautious, and she has a heck of a lot to contribute. If only people would stop creating new wounds. If only people could stay in her life. Then she could gain the confidence she needed, she could learn to rely on people again, she could be the joker that she is. She is intelligent, she sees the world in ways that others don't, she solves problems that other people don't even know are issues. She is valuable, she is loving and caring, she is worth sticking around for.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I can't remember the last time that someone complimented me on something besides my looks."
It is something that I'm sure is so familiar to women. It's familiar to me. Is it simply too much to ask to be seen as more than just my features? Could I possibly be more than my blue eyes and blonde hair? Lately, it sure seems like I couldn't be. People see me and they see just another blonde, just another frivolous girl who wants and does what every other girl does.
She's not being nice to that guy- she's flirting with him. She's not friends with that person- she wants something from them. She is just so fake. There's no way she could actually mean what she's saying. She's way too nice, I don't believe her ruse. She cannot be valued for who she is, just what she is. She's that girl that everyone can turn to, but no one can return the favor. She gives other people more significance than herself, because, surely, they have more to offer, they have more worth. They deserve to be first, they need something more than I do, they have had a rough day and mine was just not nearly as bad, I don't have to tell them how I've been. Don't be selfish, they need a friend right now.
When you look at me and only see one dimension of me, it hurts. There is so much more, so much more than one side of someone. So much more than what we can see. They have been hurt, they have scars. They struggle to keep up appearances. They don't know how they'll manage all their bills this month. They don't know if they can take one more lonely day. They need someone to care about them. They need to be seen for who they are.
I know I get fired up when people think that they know me. Even someone who has spent years hanging out with me, talking and just being a friend, can not know me (fully). They know who I am to them, they know how I act and maybe what I like and don't like. But do they know anything deeper than that? Do they know the struggles I've been through, do they know the things that I hold dear, the things that I fear? How could they when no one tries? People are too quick to give up. If you don't want to talk, fine. If you don't want to answer my question, fine. If you don't want to be there for me, fine. If you don't have time, fine. If I'm not a priority, fine. If you only see me at face value, fine. No, it's not fine. It's not okay. We need to be able to form connections with people, real and true connections. Not connections on LinkedIn. Not friends on Facebook. Real, true friendship, where you actually care about a person's well being and are there for them whenever you can be. You can see through their mask, you know about their pain and help them through it. Someone that is the first person you want to go to when you're upset, when you have the most incredible news, when you need advice, or when you just want to talk. People need each other, anyone knows that.
My New Year's Resolution is to do everything possible to be that person, that friend who can be counted on, who can be trusted with anything, who has value and sees value in others. I want to be someone who can see people in a new dimension. She is not just my mom, she is loving, she is caring, she is patient, she is a wife, she is a care giver, she has needs too. He is not just someone I have gotten to know, he is dorky, he is caring, he is hard working, he is determined, he is a neat freak, he is a son, an uncle, a student, a leader, and so much more. There is always so much more. I hope that everyone else can see the importance of having a genuine connection, a real friendship, for seeing someone as they really are. Please, I beg of you, don't be shallow. Recognize that other people are hurting, that they need you in their life, that you're not alone. See beyond the mask, and love the person underneath.
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